top of page
  • Writer's pictureJulie Lee

Why Do I Find it Hard to Talk in Therapy?

Asking for help is hard
Why Do I Find it Hard to Talk in Therapy?

People often tell me how hard it is to ask for help. When I hear this, I’m grateful they've made it to my therapy room because that first phone call is already a significant step.

Everyone needs help sometimes. We don’t always know everything or have the skills to do everything perfectly. We don't expect others to either, so it's natural to ask for help when needed.  However, fear often holds people back. They worry about rejection, appearing weak, or being exposed as not knowing everything. But being told “no” isn't the end of the world. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you; it just means that particular person couldn’t help. Accepting “no” as a simple answer helps you move on to someone who can say “yes.”  You wouldn’t want help from the wrong person as this could be counterproductive.

Asking for help requires courage and self-awareness. Knowing your strengths and recognising where you need assistance can lead to effective teamwork. Vulnerability isn't a weakness; it’s an opportunity to connect and grow stronger.  The fear of being "found out" is common and often linked to perfectionism or impostor syndrome. In any role, whether as a parent, employee, or partner, you’re not expected to know everything. It’s beneficial to seek assistance and use available resources rather than pretending to have all the answers.

So, what can you gain by asking for help? For one, you can move forward instead of feeling stuck. Think back to a time when you hesitated to ask for help—you probably felt stressed and unproductive. Asking for help can alleviate that stress and provide the clarity you need once you have got over the initial hurdle the asking part.

Moreover, asking for help is a learning opportunity. Pay attention to those in your support network who offer help and learn from their strategies. This ensures you don't need to ask the same questions repeatedly.  Reflect on your willingness to help others. If you often say “yes” and feel good about it, you can appreciate the value of asking for support yourself. Asking for help doesn't diminish you; it helps you advance, connect with others, and prepare for future challenges.

In therapy, social anxiety can make it hard to share due to fear of judgement or saying something wrong. Communication difficulties may have brought you to therapy and might also hinder your interactions with your therapist. If you struggle with forming open, honest relationships outside of therapy, these challenges might show up in your therapy sessions too.

Do you often say, “I don’t know” to questions? This can force others to make decisions for you, taking away your voice and power. In therapy, relying on “I don’t know” shifts responsibility to your therapist, which might lead to sessions that don’t address what you hoped for.  To address these concerns, talk about them openly with your therapist. If anxiety or communication issues make it hard to share, let your therapist know. This honesty allows you to practice new skills in a supportive environment.

Therapy is a great place to develop new communication skills. With your therapist's feedback and support, you can build confidence and use these skills in other relationships.

Take responsibility for your therapy sessions. Come prepared with a list of topics or goals for each session. This structure ensures you make the most of your time and get what you need from each appointment. Your therapist will appreciate it too!

If you'd like to take the first step in asking for help, get in touch for a FREE initial 20 minute telephone conversation.

2 views0 comments


bottom of page